Friday, July 26, 2002

Thanks so very, very much to all my friends out there in the cyberworld who either called, sent or e-mailed me a Birthday greeting! What an awesome birthday it was. Even though I had to work, people called me all day and two people even sang me the, "Happy Birthday" song. What a treat! I'm sure the gifts and money are still on their way in the mail!

So, birthdays aside, let's talk about the .....

Kamikaze Squirrels

You've all seen them (or perhaps you haven't)....

They are there, standing, sitting, squatting (do squirrels squat?) behind the roadside clumps of black eyed susans, boulders, roadside litter, ferns and various other obstructions. In groups, smoking and watching the traffic. Getting ready to bolt.

These are not the domestic squirrels you see on your tree limbs. These are squirrel homies. Squirrel punks. Street squirrels.

They play a game frightenly similar to humanoid Russian roulette.

Car dodging.

Perhaps you've seen the commercial on T.V. of the squirrel homie who darts out in front of the car and then high fives his pal when the car goes off the road to avoid him. This is rare footage showing the hand jive of a true street squirrel after he's scored on a car.

I hit one three days ago. In my rear view mirror I saw a bloody mess of twisted furry body, but I caught a glimpse of a little tattoo on his twisted arm.

A squirrel homie.

About three feet away was a tiny brown bottle.

Squirrel beer.

What are our squirrels coming to? First the pigeons, now the squirrels. New Hampshire is known for it's pristine beauty and wholesome manner. Now we're getting inundated with inner city squirrels. Squirrel homies who hitchhike up north from the barrio in Boston and New York. They are wrecking the morals and values of our wholesome squirrel youth.

We can stop this. Talk to your squirrels. Get out there and educate them against the crime ridden behavior of the inner city squirrels. Teach your squirrels good values. Tell them that they have someone to talk to if they need to communicate.

Spread the word to your squirrels to, "Just Say No."



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