Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Second day on the job in my new capacity as a private hire.  I'm freelancin' now baby!

It's quittin' time and I head out to my motorcycle, hop on and head North to Ban Phrue.  I'm running out of medication and want to get to the pharmacy and get home fast as there's a big storm front building and I don't fancy getting caught in the rain. 

I pass through Ban Thung Lung and am approaching Ban Mo when suddenly I see a gorgeous sight.  A total fox riding on the back of a motorcycle to my left.  Gorgeous, long curly locks of black hair cascading down her back...tight fitting halter top, skin tight jean shorts, beautiful legs and black patent leather pumps.  

I'm not the only one looking...she's gorgeous and other guys are checking her out as well.  

About a kilometer down the road their bike slows down as the driver pulls up behind an ice cream cart.  I approach slowly, my eyes glued to those gorgeous thighs...

An older woman is driving the motorcycle...maybe her mother.  As I pull up even with this stone-cold fox, I hear...

"Hello Teacher!" as she places both hands before her face in a respectful wai.  


One of my Mathayom five students.  

I mumble a "Hello!" and speed off.  


She's one of my better students too.  Always volunteers to help me out, writing things on the white board.  Always trying to answer questions.  

The girl is maybe sixteen...maybe...And one of the prettiest Thai's I've ever seen.  

At school all the students wear uniforms...most of them gym or sports warm-ups...hardly form fitting.  This was the first time I'd seen her in street clothes.  



Thursday, May 12, 2011

To follow up with my previous post about the mystery caller at the store...

I finally discovered it was the woman at the store who called the guy on her mobile.  So much can get left out and misunderstood in a country such as this one, where most people cannot speak English.  

Evidently, the guy had discovered I frequented her store and approached her, asking that she call him if I were to show up, so he could ask if I wanted to teach him English.  Once I'd figured this out, I went home and thought about it and well...being that I have only about three hundred baht to my name until the end of the month, I thought it ridiculous for me to turn down the offer. 

I went back to the store and gave the woman a sheet printed in Thai (I use Goggle Translate, which works fairly well) instructing her to call the man and give him my contact details.  Long story short, he called me at home and I agreed to teach him for two hours on Fridays, at 250 baht an hour.  Five hundred baht a week...that will get me through.

It's been a while since I taught privately, and actually, for me, it's easy work...boring, but easy money.  So, I've decided to begin trolling for some other students to teach on the side in the evenings.  I can easily make enough money to pay my rent, electricity and ADSL Internet bill with just a few hours teaching.  

The thing with me, is no matter if I'm just at home doing nothing, it's my time and I own it.  Having to teach, even though I'm getting paid, I see as infringing on my personal time...something for now I've just got to get over for awhile.  

Thai's (and I don't mean this in a prejudicial way) can be seriously lazy.  They contract for you to teach them, then they do no work...no homework, no studying, no preparation.  They expect you to force the ability to learn English into their little brains, just sit there, and somehow miraculously come out in the end..refreshed, knowledgeable and fluent in English. 

So, for now I've got a part-time job to facilitate my income until I get back on my feet again...that alone (being that the electricity guy came by threatening to turn my power off two days ago) is an ease on my mind.  

I begin working on Monday and as mentioned in a previous post, the school is only paying me half my salary for this month since I am starting late.  Then, in mid-June I am scheduled to make another expensive trip to Penang, Malaysia for my one-year visa, which is much, much more expensive...so June is going to be a very tight month.  Having this part-time job will definitely be a lifesaver for me.  


Sunday, May 08, 2011


The wonders of drinking and blogging....

Beer Chang, six-point-four on the liqtor scale.


Have you ever seen this sign?   You're more likely to see it in Western countries than in Asia.  

Do you understand what it means?  Most likely most people don't, but they think it's funny so they post pictures of it on the Internet as gags and jokes.  

But, it's really a serious issue!

You see, here in Asia...off the touristy path...you'll find the real deal...What Asia is really all about.  

Part of that reality is squat toilets...like what I have in my cottage here in Ban Klong Tong Nûea, Southern Thailand.

Step off the touristy path and this is what you're gonna find.  Ridiculous you say?  Well, actually it has been well documented that Asian people knew a thing or two about...well, pooping. 

Chalk it up to science once again...Squatting actually facilitates pooping, whereas sitting can end up making you constipated.  No wonder people in the West are often uptight.  

Anyway, get a bunch of foreigners together who've visited Asia a couple times and those assholes come up with something like this....

Well, I guess you can forget about getting your information from HoboTraveler.com since they are just a bunch of NOOBS who don't know anything about pooping in Asia.   The fools have you facing the WRONG WAY!

I mean...for chrissakes!  Would YOU wanna be caught pooping in the wrong direction?  I mean just THINK of the repercussions!  

For IDIOT information on traveling to foreign countries, for total morons: 

Visit: HoboTravelerNOOB.com

But, now that you've gotten the idea what this squatting thing is all about, imagine for a second you're an Asian guy or gal who's never visited the West...You end up in Grand Central Station in New York and you've gotta take a dump.  


First off, for anyone...even a Westerner like me who's lived most of his life in the West...who the hell would even THINK of using a bathroom in Grand Central Station?  

Just a thought...

(Hey Ma!  I went to New York and got Trucked in the Arectum by a bunch of Trainvestabules who had Strapondilfoes!)

But, the point here is the Asian dude or duddette who gets off the Oriental Express...enters a Western toilet...and spots oneahthose Western sit-down jobbys.  

WTF? (add incredulously blank stare)

Okay...maybe you've heard about these monstrosities on...uh, YouTube, Yahoo, Letterman, Conan (gotcha), Fox News, Google Earth....

But, here it is:
...staring you right in your slanty-eyed, yellow-skinned, tsunami-ravaged ass.  


"I ain't puttin' my cream-colored, pristine, globular slanty-ass down on that Caucasian porcelain!  Nuh-uh!..........................Bitch got disease!"

So, they climb their ratty-asses up on top o' that bad-boy, puttin' their dirty ass feets on the toilet seat and squirmin' all around and shit.  An's that mutha fukin toylet seet, be rockin' and movin' and shit...and eventually gonna be all broke and shit!  

So, they put up one of those cool logos I began this blog with...so's those slanty-eyed-bitch-dawgs'll get the fuckin' message, yo!

Remember dawg.  Yo fuk wit us and put yo dirty feets on our twalets, we be puttin' caps in yo ass mutha facka!



Thursday, May 05, 2011

If you've been reading my other posts, you know how much time I've invested in getting the employment position at the school near to where I live.  But, for months I was wondering if I'd have to leave the country, as jobs appeared few and far between here.  

When I first arrived here in Southern Thailand in July of 2004, it wasn't three months before my damn phone was practically ringing off the hook at my home on Soi three, with people asking me to teach them English.  Sometimes I'd get ten to fifteen calls a day.  I turned down all of them since my free time is important to me...a kickback from a time I hit rock bottom from working too many hours in the states.  

Since then, mostly the requests have died down as people discovered I wasn't interested in teaching privately.  I did take an advanced English job twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday, teaching two hours a night in Ban Thung Lung, but gave up that job since the students were too lazy and wouldn't even do simple homework assignments.  

Thai's, in comparison to people from the West, are incredibly lazy.  They often work long hours, but the work they produce is typically second rate and sloppy.  

This morning, for some reason, the requests began again.  Right out of the blue, beginning at nine in the morning, I received a phone call from a recruiter at a school in Songkhla who saw my resume online.  Then, minutes after telling him I was already committed, I received another call from another school.  But, the real shocker was yet to come.

I left home to go to the local store and pick up a few things.  The proprietors there know me well and I do a lot of business there...besides the fact I've taught English to both of their children.  The mother, who typically runs the store in the morning hours, can be very annoying at times since she always takes so long to finally bag my groceries and finish the sale.  This morning was no different, but with a twist.  

She was talking on one of her many cell phones she keeps in her cash drawer.  She rents phones out for three or four baht a minute and also uses a phone to transfer credits rather than have to sell phone cards outright.  

I was getting impatient and began bagging my own groceries and counting out the exact change when she suddenly handed the phone to me.  "What?"  Who in the hell could this be?  

On the phone was some Thai guy, struggling to speak English...but, it didn't take me long to figure out he was asking me if I would teach English...either to him or to his kids.  I refused and told him I was sorry but I was in a hurry and gave the phone back to the woman, paid my bill and left.  

The only thing I can think of is he either saw me at the store or saw me pulling up at the store and called the woman to talk to me.  Before I had left she asked me for my phone number and I said to her in my crude Thai that I couldn't remember my number.  I wanted to tell her I don't give my number out, but couldn't figure out how to say it. 

Three job offers in less than one hour after months of trolling for open employment positions.  When it rains, it truly does pour.  


Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Should have posted this eon's ago but as I mentioned earlier, I've had trouble with getting the photos off my digital camera until I can purchase a card reader.  Luckily though, I took some photos with my mobile phone too, last time I was in Georgetown, Penang, Malaysia.  

This is the Jaya Restaurant I've raved about so many times.  Just down the road a piece from the Oriental Hotel, on Penang Road.  The place was recommended to me by one of the employees at the Oriental, which surprised me as the Oriental has their own restaurant next door...albeit a tad expensive and only open in the evening hours.  

This is a lousy photo...but readable, showing the address.  

And this photo was taken from my table, showing the view out on the street.  The last time I was in Georgetown was latter March and I'll be going again in June, before my current visa expires on June 20th.  I'm looking forward to the trip if not for the Jaya, just the ambiance of Penang, a very enjoyable place to be.  

My last trip I was eating at the Jaya when I was approached by two rather pretty young girls doing a survey for college.  Something to do about some famous rice dish the Jaya served.  

"Well, while the Jaya is definitely my favorite restaurant, I'm not really a big fan of rice...shocking, I know...being I live in Asia.  Ha!"

"You know, the Jaya is a very, very famous restaurant!"  

"Well, no...I didn't know that but I can surely see why.  While I was living in China, there were so, so many restaurants...but, our trick was to walk the streets looking for one that was packed with people...those were always the best.  Same goes for the Jaya I see!"  

"Yes, I'm not an early riser but I hear tell people are lined up outside in the early morning waiting for it to open...to get the freshest roti canai!"

The giggly girl was originally from Singapore and had definite Chinese characteristics.  The other girl, a Muslim, rather quiet and reserved...typical for a Muslim woman, was actually from Southern Thailand and knew the area where I lived.  

Anyway, we had a pleasant chat and learned a little about one another.  People are very friendly and pleasant in Penang.  I hope to get some more photos on my next trip and hopefully post some different views of Georgetown for you. 


For the past three weeks at least, this is what it has looked like here...at THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON!  

I've always loved thunderstorms.  They're so ominous and foreboding...giving me a sense of security when I'm home and safe.  It's difficult to explain really, but they always give me a good feeling inside.  They're exciting!  Mother nature at her best.  

It's 11:38 a.m. right now as I'm typing this and already I can see the clouds gathering to the north and the northeast..."When the wind is from the North...man should not go forth.  When the wind is from the East...tis' not fit for man nor beast."  Makes sense when you hear an old timer say, "Gonna be a rough one they say...ayup!  A Nor'Easter's on it's way!"  

No different here in Asia.  I've watched as storms approach from the West (This is the Best) and the South (...blows the fly right into the fish's mouth) and they are pussy cats compared to the Nor'Easter's here.   Well, maybe...just maybe Portsmouth, Virginia was comparable.  

I think that's the deal...living near or on the ocean.  In Portsmouth, Virginia...when I was living in the barracks at Portsmouth Naval Regional Medical Center back in 1979, I was right on the Elizabeth River...a tributary that was only minutes from the big blue.  I'd arrived back home after attending a "Journey" concert up in Newport News and it was about six p.m.  The sky, as I remember it, was almost pitch black and looking out my dorm window I could see lightning flashes touching down for miles and miles.  It was awesome.  

Here in Southern Thailand, looking out a window during a thunderstorm is NOT advisable.  Just weeks ago I was preparing to shut down my computer when a storm hit suddenly, and my router was struck by some finger lightning that zapped in through my upstairs window.  My Internet connection was out for six days before a TOT technician made it out here.  

Curiously, the storms here almost always come from the North, the East or the Northeast.  Only rarely do they approach from the South or the West and when they do they never really amount to much.  So, lately I've learned to get all my traveling, shopping, errands, etc., done in the early hours rather than in the afternoon, lest I end up driving home in a soaking rain.  

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