Monday, July 22, 2002

A single man's rules for cleaning house.... (as perceived by a man named Jeeem)

Rule Number One: Only clean the house when it is ABSOLUTELY necessary.

Rule Number One sub-section A: The definition of "ABSOLUTELY" can change from time-to-time as deemed necessary by the single male cleaner.

Rule number two: Never move anything. Everything has it's place and if used, should be returned to the exact spot it came from to hide the tell-tale dust free zone.

Rule number three: If rule number two is followed correctly, it is not necessary to dust.

Rule number four: Never clean the whole house at once. This takes too much time and wastes needless amounts of energy. If your system is followed correctly, the house will always "Appear" relatively clean. *Remember! Nobody expects a single male to clean house anyway.

Rule number five: Areas not in direct sight are NEVER to be cleaned.

Rule number six: Keep plenty of air freshener, plug-in fresheners, and scented carpet powder handy at all times as these will give the visitor a false sense of clean and will hide strong odors such as cat boxes that haven't been emptied in several weeks.

Rule number seven: Never allow your visitor in your home unsupervised, for any great length of time. Talented use of diversion skills will keep their attention off of the filth.

Rule number eight: Cobwebs are decorative and add a sense of ambiance if used correctly.

Rule number nine: The single male MUST have a small room with a door available to "toss" items such as dirty dishes, garbage, pizza boxes, dirty linen and XXX rated videos into in an emergency situation.

Rule number ten: Make sure ALL your friends and acquaintences know to NEVER show up unannounced.



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