Sunday, May 12, 2002's Sunday. Mother's Day, so they tell me.

So I should perhaps reflect on Mother. Good ole Mommy.

Well, not to be a depressive sort again, but I gots to be truthful, right? My "mother" was a freakin' nightmare. Sorta sounds like a title of a movie, doesn't it?

My Mother was a Freakin' Nightmare......


Jack Nicholson and Kathy Bates

My mommy was five foot, eleven inches tall. She had a temper to go with her strawberry blond hair. Her name was Marie Opal Sharp and so was her personality. Once, when I was around nine years old, she beat me almost to death with a three inch stick. She didn't get away with it cause my teacher, Miss Aires, discovered the welts on my back and called the cops. Later, when I was old enough to understand, I discovered what controlled her moods.

Ever hear that song about "Mother's little helper?" Who sang that? Was it the Rolling Stones? Yep, I think so.....let me do a Google Search.....

Yep! Here it is:

What a drag it is getting old!

"Kids are different today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Mother needs something today to calm her down.
And though she's not really ill
There's a little yellow pill
She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day.

"Things are different today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
Cooking fresh food for a husband's just a drag.
So she buys an instant cake
And she burns her frozen steak
And goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And two help her on her way, get her through her busy day.

"Doctor please, some more of these!"
Outside the door, she took four more.

"Men just aren't the same today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
They just don't appreciate that you get tired.
They're so hard to satisfy,
You can tranquilize your mind
So go running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
And four help you through the night, help to minimize your plight.

"Life's just much too hard today,"
I hear ev'ry mother say
The pursuit of happiness just seems a bore.
And if you take more of those
You will get an overdose
No more running for the shelter of a mother's little helper
They just helped you on your way, through your busy dying day.

-- Mick Jagger and Keith Richards

Cool. So true. My mommy had some of those pills. I used to swipe them. I got to a point where I could take seven of them and still remain standing. Way to go Mommy! These are good! Had to hide it though, cause seven of em made me slur my words somethin awful. Amazing how she could take those babies and escape, escape.....

I liked it when she took those. Mommy wasn't so mean when she ate them and she didn't hit me. Couldn't hit me. Couldn't catch me.

She had other little pills too.

White ones called Miltown. I liked those also.

Miltown. I visited that town many times. Cool town. Pretty laid back. VERY laid back.

Then there were the orange ones.

Pentagon shaped.

Whew! Those made ya get up and GO! Run Jimmy, run! See Jimmy run! Run Jimmy, run! See Jimmy vomit. Vomit Jimmy, vomit! Jimmy should never take Miltowns and the orange pentagon ones. Jimmy learned a valuable lesson. Jimmy doesn't like it when things come up through his nose.

After the police spoke with good ole Mom about hitting Jimmy with a stick, she began taking a new pill. This one was called Nardil. Such a strange name for such a small brown, orangish pill.

Nardil is a neat pill. It made mommy very, very agreeable.

Mommy made a mistake though....she ate something she shouldn't have eaten (my mommy ate a lot) and ended up in the hospital. Seems she wasn't supposed to eat certain things and take the Nardil pill.

Stupid mommy.

Then the doctor made her take a different pill. This one was called Tofranil and it didn't work as well. Mommy never hit Jimmy again but she sure could yell alot.

So, mommy is pushing up daisy's today. I never returned to her gravesite. I don't much believe in that anyway, but then I never really cared for mommy all that much. I think people like mommy shouldn't have children.

Happy mommy's day!



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