Tuesday, August 06, 2002


Yeah, I know....I said I don't DO kids. Well, I don't, but that doesn't stop me from poking fun at them, now does it?

Kids do WEIRD shit. They eat dirt. They talk to imaginary people. They mourn their poopy going down the toilet. They collect boogers.

I know. I was a kid once.

Did you do anything weird when you were a kid? I did. My "WEIRD" thing only lasted about two or three years. I eventually grew out of it. It wouldn't have lasted that long if my parents hadn't been so damn co-dependent and enabled my weirdness. Actually, my weirdness had a sort of "lay over" effect into my adult life. Nothing a little Prozac wouldn't cure though.

My weirdness involved food. I wouldn't allow my food to touch. My mashed potatoes were not allowed to touch my broccoli and neither could be allowed passage into my pork chop territory. I ate out of plates that had little "compartments" to separate my food. I was careful while eating....something reminiscent of that game "OPERATION."

I vaguely remember feeling a certain level of anxiety if my food touched. I couldn't tell you how bad that anxiety was, but it was evidently bad enough that I remember being even more careful the next time I ate.

I remember my dad saying to me, "Just eat your damn food and quit playing with it. It's all going to end up in the same place anyway."

This sent me into a mild panic.

I hadn't thought of that. Surely my stomach was inter-compartmental. If I remember correctly, my father's statement required a certain level of rationalization and justification before I could eat normally again.

To this day I eat one thing at a time. I never mix.

Oh, the food can touch though! Yeah! It took several courses in Biology and Anatomy & Physiology before I got through the inter-compartmental stomach thing.

One thing at a time. That's not so weird.

I never ate dirt, couldn't stand to look at my poopy in the toilet and I never collected boogers.....that crap is too weird.

Besides, Dee Dee, my imaginary pal who lived in the wall heater told me not to...



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