- Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
- When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead (this is REALLY true in southeast Asia).
- Life is sexually transmitted.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for months.
- Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather: It pays no attention to criticism.
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you $2500 while a substantial tax cut saves you $25?
- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes the whole box to start a campfire?
[Thanks to Deb, aka: Midnight lace]
-Jeeem-
0 comments:
Post a Comment