Jim's quiet musings . . .

Once in a Blue Moon...

Recently, a person I care about, relapsed. Turns out (so the story goes) that he had been drinking and was hitting the crack pipe for the last few months. This is only second or third hand information, but he IS in treatment and that, at least, is a good thing. This news gave me a jolt and turned out to be a good dose of reality for me.

Lately, away from the substance abuse field of work, I've gotten into living more of a normal life without anything to remind me of where I came from and what my past was like. The shocking news of someone I care about having relapsed, brought me right back there to just how easy it is. It's just a thought away. Several events lead up to the thought, the thought comes, you dwell on it....remembering the euphoria, the release, the temporary peace from the wrenching pain of reality, then......

"Scuse me while I kiss the sky."

I know how he feels right now, or better yet, how he felt in the subsequent hours after the last time he used. It sounds like such a minor thing, to just understand. You see we humans, especially us guys, seem to want to DO something. All I can offer now, is my understanding. For me, I know that having been right where he is right now, if I would have known that people just understood, it would have meant the world to me. For me, it was all too easy to get wrapped up in how people perceived me as a failure or how once again, I had let both myself and others, down.

You see, that's all anybody really wants. To be understood, respected, accepted and loved. I understand him, respect him and accept him. Can't say I LOVE the dude, but hey, three out of four ain't bad! People who don't suffer the malady, "earth people" I call them, can't understand, no matter how hard they try. They have an excuse. What erks the hell out of me, is the very people who DO understand, condemning someone who relapses. Go figure.

Yes, it's a sad time for my buddy, but it's also a new beginning. A beginning of better times to come. These days in detox will serve to remind him of just how easy it is and no matter how damn strong we think we are or how much we accomplish in life, we are still vulnerable. Life (and shit) happens. Hopefully he will grow from this and move on. He's one of those really great guys that only come along once in a blue moon.

Stand strong my man!

-Jeeem-