Jim's quiet musings . . .

Ah crap. So it looks like even Blogger is going the non-free route. Guess that old saying, "Nothing in life is free," is true. Decisions, decisions. Do I go Blogger Pro or not? Do I wait until Blogger is so expensive that I just abandon it? There's something about the logo. Something about the other members I have met and regularly correspond with. I am in a sad space now. I think I'll fork out the $35.00.

Today I ran out of fuel oil. The house is freezing. Electric heat just doesn't do the trick. It's not the same. Expensive as hell too. Funny how crap like this only happens on the coldest day of the year. Going to get an oil delivery tomorrow.

Decided on a research project. I'm going to propose an aggregate study of the geographical incidence of multiple DWI (driving while intoxicated) occurances in New Hampshire. We have a joke at work about the "cabbage patch," a section of New Hampshire where all the drinking problems seem to stem from. This gave me the idea for the study. Rocket science this is not. Who knows, maybe Jeanne Shaheen will fund the damn study and I'll make millions overnight. I could pay off my laptop.

I contemplated mentioning my HIV test a few weeks ago, but had second thoughts about getting a little too honest on this blog. Hey, what the hell. That was one of the scarriest things I ever did. It was negative (Thank God) but being that I had been negligent in the past, I was a trite worried about the whole thing. I was fine when I drove there to have it done and was even in good spirits while there. Fine until the woman began asking me those questions. Then doubt entered my mind. "Your past history is a bit worrisome but your risk factors more recently are low," she said.

Those words played in my head for two weeks. They ought to do something about that time factor. Probably they have it done in like three days but they want you to absolve all your sins so they make you wait for two weeks. I was a nervous wreck when I finally showed up at their door on my appointment date.

They give you this little "anonymous" blue card with a number sticker on it to present when you show up. I got there, my partner in tow, and the front door was locked. It was 5:45 p.m. and the card clearly stated 4:30 p.m. until 6:30 p.m. Why was this happening to me? Was this God's punishment for a sexually active life? I could not POSSIBLY wait another week, let alone two.

My partner said, "Why don't we try around back?"

What a novel thought.....a back door. What a concept. Why hadn't I thought of that? Because I was already a basket case looking to soon lose the basket.

The door was open and the clinic was empty. We were the only ones.

"Hello? Please mark the option card and your reason for being here."

"Do you have your card?" (I did)

"Have a seat."

(enter Jim's crazy thoughts . . . . )

"Nobody is here. Why did she ask me to have a seat?"
"The test is positive."
"She would have told me to step into the office if it was negative."
"Her voice sounded rather gloomy I think."
"Please God, I'll be good . . . . I promise."

"Come on in (laughing). I shouldn't have told you to have a seat."

Laughing is good. I like laughing. Laughing is great.

"Your test is negative." (Deep, long sigh)

I really don't remember what she said next. I remember paying her. I remember walking out. It was as if my partner was not even there. I was there alone. I was in a haze. I promised God that I would be good and I plan on fulfilling that promise. I did not care for that experience.

As I walked out that door, I wondered how many individuals had walked out that door with different news than I had. I felt very, very fortunate and very, very grateful.

-Jeeem-