I'll be in the air, bound for Guangzhou, Guangdong - People's Republic of China in less than eight hours so I wanted to post a final goodbye before my next post and a new chapter in my life has begun.

My emotions are running the gamut right now so I'll be short and sweet and just thank everyone who has supported Jim's Quiet Musings this last year and more....

My new postings will certainly take a new form, from quite a different perspective. So until we meet again....

-Jeeem-

Hi everyone!

Six days remaining until I leave for China. My nerves are on end lately and I sort of feel like I'm walking around in a surreal world, bits and pieces of shocking reality hitting me suddenly, here and there.

Last night I surrendered my truck for voluntary repossession. I just can't seem to get away from debt, but looking back over the last couple of years, I'm closer now than I ever have been, if you don't count my school loans. I've heard a rumor that if you die, Stafford Loans will send a representative into oblivion, looking for repayment.

My schedule is tight the next few remaining days. Today is wood chopping and packing, tomorrow I'll have the car and will go get my hair cut and air myself out a bit, Friday is a day of last minute phone business and re-checks, Saturday is my last class in Boston, Sunday is packing day and some last minute work around the house, Monday I'll finish my packing, confirm my flight and chill with Wanda.

Tuesday is D-day.

I know I'll be a wreck Tuesday, I usually am before a trip like this and this one is just a tad more serious than most. Last minute checklists, arranging bags and waiting for Wanda to get out of work early so she can drive me to Logan airport.

I hate goodbyes.

I've always tried to avoid them and I never do weddings or funerals either. I guess you could say if it involves expression of emotion - you can count me out. But, this one I can't avoid, so I'm dreading it.

I've tried to put my feelings down on paper and tried to blog some of my thoughts about this move but I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not ready to do that yet. Too many mixed emotions. I've had my doubts about this move and I've been excited about it, sometimes both in the same hour.

Before I forget, I want to thank Chris Allen and Meg for volunteering to help keep my blog alive and whom I have made partners to my site, doing some posting for me while I am living behind the Great Firewall of China.

The research I've done on Guangzhou alone, is staggering. I've joined Guangzhou discussion groups, subscribed to an online magazine, "That's Guangzhou," and spent hours and hours reading my Lonely Planet guide and doing Google Searches.

First on my agenda once off the plane, settled and rested, is to find Beijing Nan Lu in the local dai pai dong scene and sit down to a steaming plate of one dozen freshly shucked and roasted oysters on the half shell with freshly chopped garlic and chili sauce, for a mere 30 RMB, the equivalent of about four U.S. dollars. YAHOO!

I've been dreaming of that for weeks now. Let's face it, as far as food goes you can't get much better (and cheaper) than the eateries in Guangzhou, with that Hong Kong influence, under the bright neon lights of Xia Du Road, Shan Xia Jiu, and of course Bar Street in Fang Cun.

I've been keeping up with other events in Guangzhou and plan to partake in the arts a bit too, something I've been lacking in most of my life, more out of something to do rather than a piqued interest.

I've also been monitoring the weather in Guangzhou, which can only be described as Hot, Hot, Hot, Humid, Hot, Humid and thunderstorms. All this brings back memories of the Philippines, getting off the plane, walking through an air conditioned international airport and walking into a wall of heat that you could slice through with a butter knife.

It took me at least two weeks in that tropical weather before I got really used to it, so I know the misery won't last too awful long. I'll have about four days to adjust to my surroundings before walking into a classroom of seven through ten year olds wondering what I'm going to do next.

So, will keep all of you posted and I thank all of you (Wanda-Susan-Meg-Sis-Larry-Bruce-Jenni-Deb-Dick-Tim&Judy-Lois-Terry and others in the U.S., Annie in Spain, Vangie in Joburg, Chris in Belfast, Peter in Scotland, Benjamin in Ghana, Ella in Israel, Rampyari in Oman, Esther in Kenya, Angie in England, Youngtack in Seoul, Wang Yu in Beijing, Sasha in Taiwan, Pim in Bangkok, as well as others who I'm probably forgetting) for all your help and well wishes for this bizarre journey I am getting ready to take.

I'll be in touch!

-Jeeem-

Well, that sucks. So much for e-mailing HTML. Any suggestions out there? That looks sort of dumb.

Well, at least e-mailing text works okay.

I've opened my blog to a couple of people I know and trust to be partners on the site and help out, from time to time with posting some of my blogging so I can stay in touch. Hopefully things will work out!

-Jeeem-

publish

color="white">If you see this, it
worked!

I'm trying out the new feature using e-mail to post to
my blog and I think it's gonna work. Just trying out
to see if the HTML coding works.

-Jeeem-

A Beautiful Mind

I wish I could have posted a picture here but with some of my cancelations (bank account, internet service, et cetera) I don't seem to have that ability any longer. No problem as even if I did, once I cancel earthlink I'll lose most of the photo's on this blog anyway.

I've intended to do up a blog article on Chris Allen for a while, but the way life is sometimes, things seem to always get in the way.

Chris Allen, a.k.a. Zebulon Mysterioso, is the subject of my blog today, quite possibly one of the last blog entries that I will be able to put together before I leave for China, eight days from now.

As many of you know by now, without me getting into one of my yada, yada sessions again.....my life has been tough on many dimensions, most of them created by me in the first place. But, in all my travels and my run-in's with others through my life, I am one who does not easily trust and certainly approaches friendships and relationships in a cautionary way.

One of my biggest beefs in life has been the issue of machismo or macho behavior, which except for the purer Latino version which carries a bit of pride and culture with it, is just a bunch of bullshit to me. In this world, at times, being a man I have sought out friendships with other men, only to find the majority of them living in a dream world made up of macho bullshit, unable to connect on a deeper, more philosophical level with me.

There have been few exceptions in my life regarding this topic and much of my life, at some point after I became sober at age 38, I began heading in a direction away from that macho attitude (I call it avoidance) searching for a deeper connection in life. I've occasionally run across other men who are beyond the fake bullshit and who know how to connect on a deeper level, but either I wasn't at that stage of my life yet or they disappeared or moved, severing my connection.

Chris is one of the few exceptions. A younger gentleman than my elderly self, and living in a violence ridden city in Northern Ireland, one we've all seen plastered across headlines through our years growing up, no matter where on earth - Belfast.

Go figure.

It is here, online, that I met Chris. Some have said that online relationships/friendships are not true or real, but they are to me. Safe? Perhaps, but all the same very real and very important to me.

Our conversations over the past year(s) have always left me thinking and often have changed my course of values and morals in life, based on his reasoning. That is why I have titled this blog, "A Beautiful Mind," because Chris has one. He is a brilliant gentleman in my book and my life is richer for having met him. It has been nothing but pleasure talking with Chris and seeing life through his eyes via his well chosen words.

I've always desired to have a male friend that was beyond that macho attitude and narrow-mindedness that I have seen so often and I found that in my friendship with Chris. I've discovered that age really doesn't matter and I have quite honestly learned a lot from Chris through our written conversations. He's a traveler like myself, with wanderlust in his blood and he understands my pursuits, which is so purely evident in his words.

So, without going on too long here, I tip my hat to you Chris, my friend on the other side of the Atlantic ocean and I thank you for your friendship, no matter that we've never met. Connections can come in many forms on this earth and I'll take what I can get......thank you.

No doubt we'll meet one day my friend, as previously mentioned, perhaps in a tea house in China, sipping Longjing or Emperors tea, or in a small cafe in Venice, getting chatty as the caffeine laden expresso begins to flow in our veins and catching up in person for all the years at a distance.

Thank you my friend, for being there.

-Jeeem-

On a more spiritual note....

Here are a couple more pictures of our trip to New York.

First, the famous St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City. Wanda and I took a walk down fifth avenue and did a brief tour of this remarkable structure. They don't make em' like this anymore, it seems. The architecture is phenomenal. Click HERE to read more about it.


This picture was taken from the Chinese consulate.

These people were gathered across the street from the Chinese consulate of New York, in silent protest of the ban on Falun Dafa, a type of qigong practice, incorporating exercises, meditation and self-healing, which is spreading like wildfire around the world. Read more about it HERE.

All-in-all, our trip to New York city was quite an adventure and one that I will not be forgetting anytime soon.

-Jeeem-

Only in New York city....

"Beware! Assholes Inside----->"

was etched into the concrete sidewalk outside a health club on forty-second street. Wanda and I made sure we used caution and avoided the assholes.


This photo is a classic.

It was raining and here we found at least five New York City cops grouped around their buddy's vehicle, trying to open it after he had locked his keys inside. I wanted to get right up close and take the picture but didn't want my camera confiscated or hit in the face with a nightstick.

I've managed to access my files on my FTP site (it proved to be just too damn challenging) and I've set up a blog site with the rest of our New York City trip HERE....just be patient for all of them to load.

Enjoy!

-Jeeem-

Well, with twenty-eight days to go, I'm running into all sorts of problems with this blog thing and unfortunately, I don't have the time to mess with it.

Wanda and I have returned from New York and the visa process went smoothly. We had an awesome time and quite the camping experience. I've got some great pictures, but unfortunately the new FTP site doesn't seem to work and earthlink has gone and screwed with things.....yet again.....And now I can't access my website space where I've uploaded my new .jpg files.

Damn.

I'd play with it but I just don't have the time. With school pressing down on me and having to tie up loose ends before I fly out, blogging just isn't in my high priority status. I'll continue to give it an occasional good-ole-college-try when I have the time but I don't know how much that will amount to.

Annie!! If you read this, I apologize for not being around when you called...have a safe trip and write me when you can! (My good friend Annie, who lives in Kuala Lumpur is taking the leap and moving to Spain/Portugal to be with her fiance, Radouane) So, again we're crossing paths in the air!

Thanks to all of you (Meg, Chris, and others) who have offered your assistance in the blog department. Keep me in mind. As of right now, I don't have much time to devote to tinkering with this thing. I may take you up on your offer Chris, but don't have a clue what to do.

There is really no way I'll have the time to switch over all the pictures in my archives, so when (and if) I can get access to my files on earthlink, I'll post the New York pictures.

Of late, my series of inoculations are done. I stood in the campsite in Cold Spring, New York and shot up myself with the last series of Japanese encephalitis and rabies so now I'm good to go. I've got an appointment tomorrow morning to have bloodwork done at the VA hospital in Manchester and an appointment on August 5th to have it read.

They feel my thyroid levels are a little low and want to check them before I leave. Who knows, maybe they'll put me on some thyroid medication and I'll drop a few pounds! Ha! That will be the day.

School is going well. Last Saturday in Boston I taught my second practice teaching class of advanced students. They are a delightful bunch from Colombia, Venezuela, Japan, India, Poland and Brazil. Next Saturday I'm teaching the second half of a two hour session of the beginning class.

I'll post updates as often as I can and I thank you all for your patience (like you are sitting there anticipating my every post.....Ha!).

-Jeeem-

Forty days to go before I fly out of the U.S. bound for Guangzhou, Guangdong - People's Republic of China. It's kind of like a dream at this point. Like I'm going to wake up, shake my head and say, "Whew! That was a weird dream."

Thank God I've got some focus lately, working on my lesson plans for school and tying up loose ends before I fly out. At times I try to reach deep inside myself for answers but they never come. This drive I have to move to China runs deep inside my veins but it can't be brought into words to describe the reason behind it all.

I just have to do this.

I realize the possibilities awaiting me once I get there. I may hate it and wish I had never gone. Actually, I feel I'm prepared for that feeling. I got a taste of it during my trip to Beijing last March but found that the best way to combat the feeling was to get out and get busy. I plan on using the same strategy once I feel it in China.

I'm also prepared for the time of my life. After reading Peter Hessler's book, "River Town - Two Years on the Yangtze," I have found myself getting ancy about being in China again. Although I wrote a travel journal of my thoughts and experiences while in Beijing, I couldn't quite capture the wonder and joy I felt during my long days walking, touring and sight-seeing while in China last March.

I'm hoping I will be able to capture that wonder this time. I plan on writing down my thoughts every day, as Hessler did and I like his idea of having a Chinese desk and an American desk....Studying Mandarin at one and writing English at the other.

This coming Saturday afternoon I'm teaching my first real class at BAE. I had fun interviewing the prospective students last Saturday, people from places like Portugal, Japan, China, Columbia & Brazil. I found myself comfortable with them and found them all to be very polite, humble and gracious.

BAE advertised free English classes for the students so our TEFL class would have students to teach. I'm excited about it really and looking forward to really getting into the meat of things. Typically, for me, I don't like the make-work that is involved (Learning objectives, rationale and the paperwork involved...) and just want to "DO" it and not have to think about it so much.

Next Monday Wanda and I will be traveling to New York state to camp out for five days. We'll be heading into the city on Wednesday to Grand Central Station and on over to 12th avenue and the Chinese Consulate to obtain my visa. Yet another step in this great adventure.

So, being so busy lately, I'm finding solace in cutting trees out back and making firewood. It's hard, sweaty labor but it helps me clear my mind of worries that keep popping into my head and threatening to mess with me.

I'll check back once I return from New York...

-Jeeem-

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you...

Philosophy my father taught me while I was growing up.

It's a lie.

Words do hurt. Words plus actions hurt even worse.

Later in life I was told, "Nobody makes you feel anything....you make the choice to feel that way."

Bullshit.

Some of these philosophies appear to be designed for people incapable of caring. Robots who are programed to be strong, unfeeling and uncaring. I feel I'm stronger than most, based on my experiences in life....BUT, I still care, I still trust, I still want people to like me. When I give that up, I'll die.

It's not realistic really, but I would love it if everybody could just get along. I'd love it if everyone could speak kindly to one another and everybody could trust and have understanding for one another. It would be great if there were no such thing as resentment. If people could smile more.

Forgive and/or forget.

It is my experience that some people are inherently cruel. I used to feel angry with them and would end up wanting to put them in their place (revenge) but finally (I think) I'm beginning to feel sorry for them.

In the last couple of years I've felt myself hurtling towards a desire for inner peace. Many of the things that I do or that I'm planning to do are part of this plan. Call it old age or call it a new beginning, I am just starting to realize that we're all in this world together and life is painfully short.

"In order to get love you must give love..."

I will have to change a lot of my old habits. I will have to let go of some of my protective mechanisms. I will have to re-route my old schemas. I will have to learn more tolerance and acceptance.

This ain't gonna be easy.

-Jeeem-