First off, for those of you who are wondering.....I am feeling better. I made it to work today....almost went back home at one point, but finally made it through the day. Before I left work, I happened to pick up a newspaper and this is what I saw at the bottom of one of the back sections:
"MISSING CALIFORNIA RAISIN LAWN ORNAMENT RETURNED"
Lawn ornament?
This story (AP) was about a 250 pound California Raisin Lawn ornament that was stolen from a Greenville, Michigan FRONT YARD.
What the hell do people in Michigan decorate their yards with? Why..... two hundred and fifty pound raisins, of course!
Holy crap.
Lawn ornament addicts.
These people start out with pink flamingos and graduate to larger, more garish items. Here in New Hampshire we have the famous "Lawn Orb."
Lawn orbs are in the same category of flamingos but flamingos are kinda a warmer weather lawn ornament. Lawn orbs are a shiny, reflective, red, blue, yellow, green or other shiny metalic color and sit on a concrete or plastic pedestal. That's it. They claim they attract humming birds but I swear I've passed them numerous times and never seen a hummingbird within miles.
Lately, we've had an outbreak of fuzzy bear ornaments, Canadian geese ornaments, children standing in the corner ornaments, duck ornaments and the occasional lawn elf. Only the true lawn ornament addict buys them.
Do you have a neighbor who qualifies? Do them a favor. Get them help.
The woman whose lawn raisin was stolen said, "I'm just heartbroken over it."
Some kids found it in the parking lot of the school and returned it to the heartbroken couple Tuesday night.
Hell, you ask me....that's probably where it belongs.
-Jeeem-
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